The Three Versions of Me
Draw out three pictures of yourself on three separate pages. They can be simple stick figures, or detailed portraits (depending on your artistic ability).
Label them as:
– ‘The me I appear to be.’ i.e. to others.
– ‘The real me.’ i.e. the person you truly are.
– ‘The me I want to be.’ i.e. the ideal version of yourself/your ‘highest self’.
Fill them in using personality traits, emotions, adjectives, etc. You can use the ‘My Conflicting Sides’ activity from ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal to assist you.
This activity reveals how the different versions of ourselves can conflict. Depression feels like a war; you have a battle going on inside your mind. This can be fuelled by these three versions of yourself who are not living cooperatively.
The aim is to move toward ‘the me I want to be.’
Example from my journal (from 2017):
– ‘The me I appear to be.’: talkative, happy, enthusiastic.
– ‘The real me.’: withdrawn, restless, distracted, quiet, unmotivated, anxious.
– ‘The me I want to be.’: fulfilled, peaceful, honest, connected, hard-working.
During my journey, I have gradually crossed out the words that no longer apply and ticked the ones that do. It is great for tracking my growth, and seeing if my journey has made an effect on my personality. I am a completely different person to who I was 3 years ago as I have moved closer to ‘the me I want to be’.
My Emotional Spectrum
Draw a long line across a page in your journal. This will serve as your emotional spectrum.
Label:
– the left-hand point as deep depression.
– the quarter point as strong negative emotions.
– the middle point as feeling neutral (when you’re feeling neither here nor there).
– the three-quarter point as strong positive emotions.
– the right-hand point as peace, happiness, fulfiled.
Add specific times, symbolic events, and memorable moments under the relevant emotional state. This will give you an overview of your emotional waves throughout your life and help you to identify any trends. Note what drives each event to be placed on that area of the spectrum.
My Why’s
At times on your ‘road to recovery’, the going gets tough. That’s why I find it helpful to have a section for the reasons you are undertaking this journey. Of course, the biggest reason is for you, but when times get difficult, having other factors gives you a push for when that doesn’t feel like enough.
Ask yourself:
– Who are you doing this for? i.e. for other people in your life.
– What are you doing this for? i.e. for certain goals or dreams.
– Why are you doing this? e.g. to be content in your own mind.
Example from my journal:
– My Grandparents: knowing the sacrifices they made, the hardships they endured, the work and effort they put in, so their children and grandchildren could have a better life with more opportunities. They are my biggest ‘why’s’ to be the best version of myself and fulfil all I was meant to.
My Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly Goals
This one is simple, but vital for your ‘road to recovery’. Keep 4 separate pages for each, and continue to add to them throughout your journey.
Goals keep you focused and accountable. It is a gentle reminder of all you are working toward, the reasons you are here, and an important step in discovering your meaning of life.
Changes Within My Self
Write out the biggest changes and areas of growth that you would like to achieve from this journey.
Examples from my journal (from 2017):
– Emotional responses.
– Peaceful state of mind.
– Be present.
My Values
Values serve as a moral compass to live by, and reflect what matters to us. When we are not living in alignment with our values, it can cause havoc in our minds.
Write out all your values; highlight the core ones. Note what caused them to earn a place in this list.
Then, write how you live in alignment with these values. For the ones that you currently do not live in alignment with, write what actions could be taken to do so. Add small steps that you can easily integrate into your daily life.
For example, if being environmentally friendly is one of your values, how can you change your shopping habits to live by it?
Love/Happiness/Fulfillment
Write down everything that you love – what you love to do, what/who makes you happy/fulfilled, your favourite things, etc. If you are struggling to find anything due to your current headspace, think about things that could be of enjoyment to you, or were in the past.
This activity is important as we can include these things into our spare time to ensure we are kept happy and fulfilled.
Examples from my journal:
– Time with self.
– Time with family and friends.
– Music.
– Baking.
– Discussions.
– Travel.
If I ensure to include one of these things in my day, it was a day worth living.
My Not-So-Great Traits Table
This exercise follows on from the ‘My Not-So-Great Traits’ activity from ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal.
Working through the traits and characteristics that you would like to change is:
– A crucial step to recovery and becoming the best version of yourself.
– Important for self-love.
– Helpful to acknowledge why other people are the way they are.
Compose a table/list and include:
– The trait.
– A reflection of this trait, i.e. a short description of it.
– What results because of this trait.
– What feeds this trait, i.e. how it is able to stay around, why you haven’t changed it.
– The root causes of this trait.
– The solutions for this trait (may require research and/or deep thought).
– The benefits gained from working through the trait.
Example from my table (from 2017):
| Trait | Lazy |
| Reflection | – Unable to do required tasks. – Delay starting something new. |
| What Results | – Missed opportunities. – Regrets. |
| What Feeds It | – No one pushing me–>no accountability, consequences. – No value for trying new things. |
| Root Causes | – Youngest in family so everything handed to me–>caused dependency. |
| The Solutions | – Stay honoured to my word–>commit to a plan. – Treat self after doing something. – Remind self of the positives/value by completing a task. – Use to do lists/goals/techniques (e.g. Pomodoro technique). |
| The Benefits | – Create drive. – Becoming willing, proactive. – Gain independence. – Get tasks done. |
Resolving My Problems
This is a follow on from the ‘My Biggest Problems’ and the ‘My Traumatic Experiences’ activities in ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal. It is time to address and attempt to resolve these problems.
Again, make a table/list and use these steps to guide you:
Steps:
- Identify the problem.
- Identify what results due to this problem.
- Identify what feeds this problem, i.e. things that cause the problem to be worse.
- Identify how this problem changes your behaviour.
- Identify if it links to any mental problems/illness.
- Identify the possible root causes for this problem.
- Find possible solutions for this problem.
- Write small steps to integrate the solutions into your everyday life.
The secret of finding the root causes to many problems involves going backward. Keep questioning ‘why?’ until you find a root cause. Often, they stem from childhood.
Example from my journal (from 2017):
- Problem: socially awkward, shy.
- What results: afraid of meeting new people, unable to go out.
- Fed by: feeling intellectually, socially, physically inadequate. A fear of being judged.
- Behaviour change: caused me to be a people pleaser.
- Caused mental problem: loss of identity, lack of self-confidence, unhappy with self (fed depression), nervous around others (fed anxiety).
- Root: insecure, bullied during younger schooling years and not having many friends.
- Solutions: recognising self-value, love every part of self, rise above negativity.
- Steps: self-affirmations, meditation, deep breathing, gratifications.
Working Through My Fears
Following on from the ‘My Biggest Fears’ exercise from ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal, write out all the ways you can overcome your fears, no matter how difficult it may be from your current standpoint. Ask yourself: if I was the most confident person on Earth, how would I overcome this?
Write out small, simple changes that can be integrated into your daily routine.
Example from my journal:
Fear of public speaking:
– Ideas:
–> Project more confidence when talking.
–> Slow down when I talk.
–> Make more eye contact when talking with others.
– Steps
1. Slow down when talking during everyday conversation to practise projecting confidence.
2. Socialise with bigger groups of people.
3. Practise speeches in front of the mirror, making regular eye contact at myself.
4. Practise speeches in front of loved ones, visualising big groups around me.
Anxiety Recognition
Reflect on what you wrote in the ‘My Anxiety’ activity in ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal. With each anxious situation you have had, determine what triggered this response. For example, write down:
– What factors led me to feel anxious about the situation?
– Have I had a negative result from a past similar situation?
– Does the perception I have for myself cause me to feel this way?
Look for any common themes amongst the answers. Can they be grouped together to find the root reason for anxious responses to certain situations? Determine what you can do to help ease this anxiety (perhaps some of the other ‘small things’).
Example from my journal:
– Re-enrolling into university:
–> What factors led me to feel anxious about the situation? Unfamiliarity, change of routine, fears for the future.
–> Have I had a negative result from a past similar situation? Failing my subjects the first time I went to uni.
–> Does the perception I have for myself cause me to feel this way? Unable to follow through with plans and a lack of focus worries me. This could have caused my response.
–> Root reasons: Fear of change and being thrown out of my comfort zone, scared of independence.
–> Actionable steps: affirmations, deep breathing, yoga, re-iterate my reasons, envision a positive future.
Changing My Thought Patterns
This activity follows on from the ‘Common Thoughts of The Dark Side’ activity from ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal. The negative thoughts that pop into our heads are often coming from your ‘dark side’, and will continue to arise even in your ‘road to recovery’. This is when we need our ‘highest selves’ to step in and override these counterproductive thoughts.
Write out some negative thought patterns/sentences that you wrote in the ‘Common Thoughts of The Dark Side’ activity, and brainstorm some counter thoughts. When those negative thoughts surface, replace it with its counter. Recite it at least 3 times over. This is the process of rewiring our thoughts and utilising neuroplasticity.
Common ‘dark side’ thought patterns and their counters
| Negative Thought Patterns/Sentences | Counter Thought Patterns/Sentences |
| ‘I want to kill myself.’/’I want to die.’ | ‘I want to change the current state of my life. I want to grow.’ |
| ‘I’m never going to change.’/’I’m never going to get better.’ | ‘Healing is a gradual process; it takes time. I must be patient.’ |
| ‘Everything is too much effort.’ | ‘A life where I am peaceful and content is worth the effort.’ |
| ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ | ‘I am strong and have the power within me to accomplish anything.’ |
| ‘I feel alone.’/’I have no one to turn to.’ | ‘I always have myself. I have my highest self supporting me.’ |
| ‘I should be happy.’ | ‘I allow myself to feel any emotion that arises, and will observe.’ |
Expectations/Pressures I Have From Others
List all the people in your life that have influence over you. Then, write out the pressures and expectations you have from that person. This does not necessarily mean in a negative way; this activity includes the positive pressures too. This will provide you with an insight into why you are doing the things you do, and how external influences have shaped your decision making. It will show you if your choices were made because of pressures from others, or if they came from yourself.
This is an important activity to take responsibility for your choices and to take ownership of your life.
Identifying Where My Ideas Come From
Our ideas about ourselves and the world often come from experiences in the form of three avenues:
– Second hand, i.e. from others around you (friends, family, etc.).
– The media.
– Us.
Place important ideas under each avenue, positive and negative, to help identify whether your thoughts on certain things have come from you, or from others. Sometimes we hold particular views or assumptions that have been created and influenced by other people and the media.
For example, fears of being in a relationship could have been birthed by witnessing our loved one’s being hurt, rather than our own experiences. This could make us resistant in meeting someone.
Identifying the root of our ideas will determine whether they are justified or just coming from ‘hear-say’. It will help broaden your perspective and allow for more possibilities in your life.
Examples from my journal:
– Second hand: relationships.
– Media: views on other cultures/religions.
– Myself: depression.
Stripping Off Socialisation
Personally, I believe our society does not always nurture self-love, and often profits off our lack of. Society can warp our perceptions and ideas, such as that of ‘success’ – a reason that can fuel depression as we often compare our worth to others.
We must take responsibility to observe the ways in which we have been socialised to think and behave, and begin to think for ourselves.
Consider what you wrote in the ‘Socialisation’ activity in ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal. Redefine the ideas that have been pushed by society, by thinking outside of it.
Examples from my journal:
1. The idea of ‘success’ in society is to:
– Be financially wealthy.
– Have a family/children by a certain age.
– Obtain certain materialistic objects.
– Have a certain education, i.e. have a degree.
I was not fond of these ideas, so I redefined success to suit my life. My definition of success now is to:
– Be wealthy in love, knowledge, wisdom, compassion, ideas.
– Recognise the endless possibilities of our life–> there are no time constraints.
– Have rich and meaningful relationships.
– Fulfil my life’s mission.
To me, success is measured against one’s own greatness, influenced by no one and no thing.
When I Feel In Control
Write all the times that you have felt in control of your depression; those brief moments in which you felt free. Think about what drove that control, such as the small actions and thoughts that led to it.
Then, reflect on what you wrote in the ‘When I Feel Out Of Control’ activity in ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal. Consider what drives that lack of control, and how you can change that. This may involve staying away from certain situations/environments, putting boundaries on relationships, etc.
Examples from my journal:
– I feel in control when my thoughts are organised and clear.
This is driven by:
–> ’The mind clear journal’.
–> Meditation, deep breathing.
–> Slowing down; performing my day-to-day activities with care.
–> To do lists (externalises my thoughts).
What Would I Do If Money Wasn’t A Problem/I Had The Time?
If you were financially rich, motivated, and had all the time in the world, what would you do tomorrow? It doesn’t matter how out there it seems; write it out. You can use the answers from the ‘What’s Holding Me Back?’ activity in ‘The Dark Side’s’ Journal to help.
This activity gives you hints on where your passions lie, what your purpose and meaning for life is, and what your values are. This knowledge is integral when journeying ‘up from the well’.
Now, write out all the ways you could possibly achieve the things on your list, in your current financial position and headspace. Add in steps that could be integrated over the next few months.
Example from my journal:
Learn basic conversation in 5 languages.
Steps:
1. Pick one language to start with.
2. Find online resources that will assist me, e.g. teachers, videos, activities.
3. Dedicate 15 mins a day to learn the language.
4. After basic conversation is achieved, repeat with other languages.
My Traits Aligned With A Purpose
List all your best traits, then group together those that are similar. Finally, consider what the purpose could be for each set of traits in your personal/professional life. This is an important way to acknowledge all the beauty you have within, and to realise your value in the world – which can contribute to your meaning of life.
Examples from my journal:
-Empathetic, caring, compassionate:
–> Life passion – humanitarian
–> Help others – this blog.
–> Self awareness and awareness of others.
My Life Timeline
This can be a daunting activity, but also quite enjoyable. It involves mapping out your entire life, from the beginning to the present moment. Start with the very first thing you remember in your life, then go through every year, and write as much as you can about each. Include specific memories, daily doings, traumas, fun moments and the worst. Be as emotive as possible. As you write, you will be surprised at how much you will remember. Talk to your loved ones and get their perspectives; it is likely they will have something to offer that you haven’t thought of. This isn’t a quick activity; it will probably take a few months, so work on it gradually.
Reflecting on your life gives you an insight into your mind, and provide reasoning and justification of why you are the way you are.
Tips
-Look up movies, television shows, advertisements, and the biggest games from certain eras to help trigger memories.
Example from my journal:
(from when I was 4 years old) A boy in my grade used to kick me under the table during lunch time. It made me feel sad and afraid.
–> This could have been why I always ensured I had friends and was never alone.
Things I Must Remember
This is an important tool for your bad days; for when you feel the negative emotions resurfacing, or you feel stuck in your growth.
They are sentences or short paragraphs of things you have learnt and want to always integrate into your life. These thoughts may surface post-meditation, or during moments that have offered new perspectives. If you are yet to have these moments, find them in self-help books/blogs/online.
Examples from my journal:
– One bad day is not the end; it does not have to influence the next day. I can choose again.
– Protect your energy by saying ‘no’ when needed with ease. Let your kindness be embraced, not taken advantage of.
My Breakthrough Moments
This section is for the breakthrough moments you have had on your ‘road to recovery’. They are strong realisations you have had about yourself and your life. It is a great way to track your growth, and show you how far you have risen.
Breakthrough moments don’t only come when you are specifically working on yourself. They can come whenever. The excerpt from below came to me whilst flying home from an overseas trip visiting family. I was simply reflecting on the great week I had had, and how much I enjoyed their company. That’s when the thought hit me- thousands of kilometres up in the sky. It appeared to be random, but in fact I had been planting the seeds for this thought for quite some time.
Example from my journal:
05/06/19: I realised today, how much I don’t want to die and leave this existence. Thinking of all my relationships and love I have for people, and others have for me, why would I want to cut that even a minute shorter? I would be ending that all. To gain nothing, but to lose everything. (I then thanked the people that made me realise that.)
What I Have Learnt
This section of your journal is reserved for the wisdom and the biggest lessons you have learnt in your ‘road to recovery’. They are the profound moments of your growth. It is integral to take note of these to refer back to when you are in need of inspiration, or the ‘dark side’ comes calling.
Quotes
Note down important quotes that will aid your ‘road to recovery’. My journal includes those that have made me step back and re-evaluate my life and ways of thinking.
Quotes are everywhere. Often we do not deeply analyse them (unless you’re in an English class); perhaps we even scoff at their cliché nature. I find quotes to be powerful. They are poetic, neatly packaged words of wisdom that we should take time to truly consider, and learn from.
Example from my journal:
‘There are so many fruits to be tasted,
So many songs to be heard,
Intriguing conversations to be had,
Oceans to be felt,
Plants to be seen,
Books to still read,
Souls your heart is yet to touch.’ – Unknown.
Congratulations on attempting these activities! You have made an incredible (and huge) step in your journey.
Up From The Well 