This journal is designed to help you meet and understand your ‘dark side’ (I discuss this in detail here). The next steps to the prompts/activities below are in the ‘Road to Recovery’ Journal, so be sure to complete this journal first.
My Mental Volcano
This was a technique given to me by my counsellor to pinpoint the reasons for my depression. It helped me to visualise and recognise what birthed my ‘dark side’ into existence.
Draw up a volcano and write in it:
– Your fears.
– Things that upset you or make you anxious.
– Reoccurring thoughts that drain you.
– Anything that robs you of joy/happiness/fulfillment.
– Anything toxic in your life.
– Traumas.
Examples:
– Toxic relationships.
– An unfulfilling job.
– Regrets.
– Boredom.
– Existential angst.
After you have finished, observe it. Acknowledge how depression may not always stem from one big trigger, but a collection of many small reasons.
Pinpointing the reasons for your depression allows you to visualise the issues that need to be solved, and will assist you in managing them.
My Conflicting Sides
Often, our personality feels split; we have opposing thoughts/ideas/values. This can be confusing when defining who we are. Contradicting personalities can lead to and feed depression, as we feel lost with our identity.
Divide a page into half, or into three or four sections, depending on how many ‘versions’ of yourself you feel you have.
Write out all your traits/values, and group those that are similar on a particular side. For example, if you are ‘tidy’ but also ‘messy’, you would put them on different sides of the page (as they oppose each other). You may also have a tendency to be ‘careless’, which would be included on the side that has ‘messy’. This links similar traits and creates neat perceptions of yourself.
Recognise and acknowledge all the different parts of yourself. At the moment, they all make up who you are.
Example from my journal (from 2017):
I used to be incredibly emotional, but I also felt empty and emotionless. ‘Emotional’ was written on one half of the page; ‘empty and ‘emotionless’ went on the other. I also had a deep care and consideration for others, but sometimes I couldn’t care less. ‘Caring’ and ‘considerate’ went on the side that had ‘emotional’, and ‘careless’ went on the side that included ‘empty’ and ‘emotionless’. This helped me visualise the two sides of myself and understand why I felt conflicted a lot of the time.
My Common Thoughts From ‘The Dark Side’
Write all the common thoughts that are fuelled or voiced by your ‘dark side’. For example, ‘I’m not good enough.’, ‘My life has no value.’
Thought Patterns Recognition
Write out the thoughts that you usually have when:
– You first wake up in the morning.
– Things go badly.
– Things go well.
– You are with loved ones.
– You are with strangers.
– You are in public places.
– You are by yourself.
– You are going to sleep.
This is important to identify what your daily thought patterns are like.
Thoughts create your reality, and your emotions are based on that reality. Therefore, improving our thoughts reconstructs our world and how we feel.
My Not-So-Great Traits
List all the traits that you would like to change about yourself. This isn’t a self-depreciating exercise, but rather an acknowledgement of all the areas you would like to improve.
Tips
– Consider the things that bother you about others. Often, this shines a light on what bothers you about yourself.
Examples from my journal (from 2017):
– Lazy.
– Controlling.
– Fickle.
– Indecisive.
My Biggest Problems
Identify the big problems and issues in your life that may contribute to your depression. For example, resentment toward someone, insecurities, overthinking nature. Group together those that relate to one another. For example, insecure, socially awkward, and shy could be put together.
My Biggest Fears
Writing out all your biggest fears, and where you think they came from. This will allow you to observe what is holding you back, and the ways you are resisting life.
My Traumatic Experiences
Write out all the traumatic experiences you have had in your life. Note down the possible follow-on beliefs you have had from these, and all the ways it affects your thinking.
Take extra care in this exercise.
My Anxiety
Write down what causes you to feel anxious, what situations intensify your anxiety, and what leads to possible panic/anxiety attacks.
When I Feel Out Of Control
Write out all the moments you feel you have lost control of your mind. This is likely when the depression feels the heaviest, or when you feel you have no answer but to end it all.
Note down if you can see a pattern of situations, people, or environments that possibly trigger this lack of control.
Tips
-Consider what thoughts you had prior, what you did that day, the content you consumed, the foods you ate, etc.
My Day To Day Life
Write out a detailed schedule of your daily routine. Include everything from the minute you wake up to the last thing you do before going to sleep. Be sure to add in phone and technology activity (time, the apps you use, the content you consume).
This is an important step to see what factors may fuel your depression.
Socialisation
Here we will explore your ideas on things that may have been birthed and fed by socialisation/social values and norms. Answer these questions honestly:
– What is happiness?
– What is success?
– What is failure?
What’s Holding Me Back?
Write out all the things you wish to achieve in life. It doesn’t matter how out there it is; write it. Note down the reasons you haven’t accomplished these dreams and how you are holding yourself back. For example, ‘I wish to travel, but I am afraid of new environments.’
My Venting Pages
When you are feeling particularly sad, angry, or depressed, vent in these pages. Release it; be raw and honest. It’s crucial to externalise these thoughts in a safe place.
Quotes
Note down the quotes that capture your depression perfectly. Find them online, in books, or perhaps you have some of your own. It is important on our ‘road to recovery’ that we delve deep into our depression to understand it better. I find this can be captured beautifully and simply with quotes.
Congratulate yourself on finishing these activities. This is an incredibly hard thing to do, so reward yourself.
It is now time to move on to the ‘Road to Recovery’ Journal.
Up From The Well 